Monday, February 2, 2009

Octuplets: Revisited

In a way I feel as if I put my foot in my mouth when I posted my other blog perhaps a little too early. As the facts came in the story changed quite a bit, didn’t it?

While I still believe that the point I was making in my previous blog is still the right one, my example was not so well chosen.

Recap: My point was that we as a society believe bad news sell so we find bad news in everything - even in good news. The example I had picked was the (assumed) couple that went through infertility treatments and ended up with eight babies. I further assumed that the media manipulated a miracle into something negative and the message shifted from wow to what the heck was she thinking?

What can I, as a single mom to one daughter say to a single mother of six (who are all conceived via treatment) who undergoes more fertility treatments? Have you lost your mind, don’t you know how hard it is? Should I be happy for her that she gets what she wants or feel bad as I think this is a path with major consequences for her?

Here is to a single mom of 14! I try to envision how you can enlist your two-year old twins to help you with anything or your seven year old to put the babies to bed? How can you hold a job with 14 kids? What car has space for 14? The costs of diapers, food must be astronomical. Can you even take care of that many kids by yourself? The mom lives with her parents who are taking care of the kids while she is in the hospital. Is it fair to make your parents, who already have financial problems, a part of this?

No matter how I look at it I end up with one word - irresponsible. Then I thought, wait, this is about women who want it all. Isn't this an example of someone who wanted this and got it? Is that not a great thing for her?

Bottom-line: We can't go into a discussion on whether or not single women should be able to get fertility treatments or not. We can't get into discussions on whether or not it is good to selectively terminate some of the fetuses based on Darwin's survival of the fittest. As a free country we have to accept the decisions others make even when they appear to us as irresponsible.

What does it mean for you and your desire to get what you want?

You can only begin with yourself. Remind yourself to put only on your list what you can handle in real life. Challenge yourself but within realistic realms. Be as specific as possible. Perhaps instead of saying I want kids, say I want one or two! While I do recommend dreaming big (it is the same amount of effort) make sure you will be in the driver seat when your wants turn into your reality.

Have a fabulous week.

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